“It’s not the love that we withhold that changes people, but the love that we give.”

This simple lesson has absolutely rocked my life lately.

So often I find myself reserving my love, or withholding affection if someone displays unhealthy behaviors, or does something that hurts me. I think I’m starting to learn that withholding love only ever worsens the problem.

I am convinced that everyone is secretly starving for love. That many of us walk parched in a desert, thirsting for a drop of water. I am equally convinced that those of us who have learned to pretend that we are not thirsty are rewarded.

People who are parched for love we call “insecure” and “desperate,” and perhaps that’s true. Maybe many of us are desperate for love, and hurting because we can’t find the well.

God’s solution to the human thirst for love was Christ. He was the living water that satisfied people and sprung up into a well inside of people (John 4:14), not only this, but He promises that “out of his(their) heart(s) will flow rivers of living water” to anyone who drinks of Him.

Now what in the world does this mean? I’m not sure I really have it figured out. But I do know one thing: God’s solution to human desperation and resulting failure was to pour out His sacrificial love even to those who refused to drink from it. Why should we do differently? God’s solution to change people from the inside out was to love them extravagantly.

When is it that I learned better?

I believe that it is true (only because He says it is), that whoever really drinks from Christ, whoever drinks of His love for them in their mind and their heart, will be satisfied. “Springs of life” will burst forth in a dry and weary land.

But I also know that identifying people who are desperate for love and telling them that they just need to realize their identity in Christ and know His love for them is a cop out. If love is like a river, and we are are drinking from the Divine River, then we become like streams, and out of our hearts flow living water. Change people, change the world, through the love you give, specifically, the love you let flow through you.

We are like channels, we have to allow God to pour His love into our hearts first. But it is not my right to build a damn to keep the life and the love inside of me.

If I do this, my love will become stale and murky. Love, by necessity, flows.

When I am tempted to withhold my love (and instead rebuke or correct) someone close to me, it is often because I am trying to “fix” their problem, or because I think I know “what they need to do” or “what is good for them.”

“Do you not trust how I chose to change people?” says the still, small voice, “love them.”

It is not the love that we withhold that changes people, but the love that we give.

We are channels of divine love, let us drink and offer drink to the thirsty freely, without charge. This is really hard to do in practice, I know, but it is the outpouring of God’s Spirit through all who follow Christ that changes us and the world around us.